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| 11.10.2012, 09:18 - lqpxi568 - Rank 4 - 141 Beiträge
Dear Bossy: Perhaps others don’t think about this as I do, but with endless choice how does one actively decide to procreate? I’m single, enjoyably so, and living with someone is something I don’t think I would ever do again, but I wouldn’t rule it out. I have two close friends, and was with them when their kids were born. They were the ones that didn’t like kids. I always liked them, maybe even wanted them. The problem is I always had it in my head that it would just be me and the kid (and the friends of course). Obviously seeing my friends with their children makes me realise how important their partners are in the scenario. And how much I underestimated how hard it must have been for my mother. I’m 37 and am certainly past the ideal age to have kids. I’ve also had a few terminations, one this time last year, one at the traditional 16, the others well??? Only to say that if I really wanted a kid I could have a few already. And to make clear I’m not the full condom collector of urban myth with my own set of ‘,casque monster beats  ersonal’ turkey basters.I earn $100k + don’t own anything of value, have no savings and my share portfolio is negligible. I spend more on wine and scotch than most people outlay on food. I live in the city, spend most nights either out drinking or at home painting and I can’t drive. I still think seeing some amazing music then taking acid with the bassist is a great night out. I’m not what most people call a responsible person. The point to this rambling expository is that while I would never base my reproductory decisions on suggestions from randoms,Meditation,fun plus fi...ycling alliance within do, I’m curious as to what they may say. My friends are highly (seriously) supportive of me having a kid, even sans spouse (I use spouse purely for its alliterative nature, marriage holds no appeal). The preference would be that I settled into a nuclear sunrise, but, that’s unlikely to happen. I was thinking perhaps it’d be more interesting fostering a kid, perhaps an older one that couldn’t be easily placed but that I could still train to make trinkets. I have no overwhelming desire to spread my genes. Anyhoo,doudoune moncler, question is, should I contemplate getting pregnant when I have no real desire to have a partnership? Is it unfair for the kid to have two parental units that made a decision to have one be the sole care giver and the other to be absent? I could ask one of my gay friends that wants a kid to shag me (they always want to play with my bewbs I’m sure we could work from there) and we could co-parent. Or I could just get pregnant to some random. Works for some. If you don’t really want to have a partner should you give up on the idea of having a kid? Bossy says: I think I’ve narrowed your question down, but I can’t be sure. You certainly haven’t shied away from a ramble. I think you’re asking whether it’s ok to have kids, without a man. I don’t believe there’s anything wrong with making a conscious decision to have children when you are not in a partnership. I think many people raise children without a partner - when a partner leaves or dies - and while it may not be the ideal scenario to have sole responsibility for a child, it’s certainly not the worst. I know many people hold tight to the ideal that children deserve two parents and believe we are ripping them off by knowingly denying them their natural “,air jordan;right”,casque beats by dre ???? - KLM.com; to a mum and dad. The reality is that children flourish in situations of love and care and if those elements are there the rest seems to fall into place - even in single parent families. So no, I don’t think it’s bad to bring a child into the world with just one parent. I do however worry about bringing a child into a chaotic, rambling lifestyle where you “spend more on wine and scotch than most people outlay on food”. I worry about whether you will be able to change your lifestyle to accommodate a small and constantly needy human being who has no understanding or sympathy for hangovers or “time out” while you drop acid with the bass player. Children may not need two parents,airjordan, but they do need a family home that is loving and stable. That doesn’t mean you have to transform yourself and buy a Tarago,Varauksen hallinta - KLM.com, but you need to be aware that children need some structure, rules and stability to feel safe. It doesn’t matter if there’s only one of you, but it does matter if there’s no milk in the fridge or mum’s passed out after another night on the scotch. What I’m trying to say is you don’t need to be conventional to raise kids. You can stay bohemian. You can raise an art-loving hippy, if you want. But you have to understand that your lifestyle - as it stands - would be hell for a child. You will have to change to make things fair on a small and vulnerable person. I think you need to recognise that looking after a little one can be stressful, arduous and boring. I think you need to recognise it would leave you with much less time for you and your needs. When you raise a child - on your own - you are responsible for them 24/7. When you are not responsible for them it means you have paid someone to care for them or you have responsible friends or family willing to care for them in your place. I wonder more than anything how you will handle that change and that responsibility? How you will handle not being able to have another round of drinks with your friends at a beer garden because your child is tired and bored, and crying and needs to go home. How will you handle shopping (by bus) for groceries or cooking dinner for your child when most nights you would prefer to eat toast? Single parenting is hard. It’s hard because parenting is more than a “full time job”,beats by dre; and you have no-one to share it with. It’s hard because children require regular bedtimes, discipline, structure and stability in their life to be happy. These are things that have been shown to psychologically improve the emotional and mental health of children. Late bedtimes, erratic mealtimes, a disorganised household and lack of discipline, do not,moncler pas cher. If I were you, I’d also ask myself some simple logistical questions before I worried too much about the morality of bringing a child into a single parent family. Who will look after the child while you work? And if you don’t work, who will support you? Are you comfortable or capable of living on a single parent pension? And if you do plan to continue work are you comfortable putting a small child in fulltime child care? Can you curtail your spending to acccomodate the $12,000 plus it would take to do so every year? Having children requires you to be selfless, at least at times. It requires you to put you needs behind someone elses, even when you don’t want to. As yourself whether you are ready for that. All the best with your decision. |